Couple discussing finances and decisions during divorce mediation in Ontario

What Happens During Your First Divorce Mediation Consultation?

For many people, booking a first divorce mediation consultation is one of the hardest parts of the separation process.

By the time someone contacts me, they’re often overwhelmed. They’re worried about their children, their finances, their home, and whether they’re about to make the biggest mistake of their lives. Many assume they’re heading toward a lengthy legal battle because that’s what they’ve heard from friends, family members, or stories online.

After nearly two decades of helping Ontario families navigate separation, I’ve learned that most people don’t actually know what to expect during a mediation consultation.

Why the First Consultation Matters

One thing I tell prospective clients is this:

Before deciding how to move forward, it can be helpful to understand the different options available for resolving the issues arising from your separation. 

Attending a consultation doesn’t commit you to mediation.

Instead, it gives you an opportunity to:

  • Understand how mediation works
  • Learn how Ontario family law applies to your circumstances
  • Ask questions about the process
  • Understand how mediation differs from other ways of resolving family-law issues 
  • Decide whether mediation is appropriate for your family

What Happens During Your First Divorce Mediation Consultation?

Every mediator has their own approach, but my consultations are designed to educate first and answer questions before anyone makes important decisions.

We Talk About Your Situation

I begin by learning about your family and the issues you need to resolve.

Depending on your circumstances, that may include:

This conversation gives me some background about your situation and gives both of you an opportunity to identify the issues you want to address. 

I Explain How Mediation Works

Many people arrive assuming mediation is simply two people sitting in a room trying to convince each other to compromise.

That’s not how I approach mediation.

I explain:

  • The overall mediation process
  • How joint sessions work
  • The purpose of separate intake meetings
  • The documents we’ll prepare
  • The role of financial disclosure
  • How agreements are reached
  • When independent legal advice should be obtained

By the end of the consultation, my goal is for both parties to understand what the next steps would look like if they decide to proceed.

We Discuss Ontario Family Law

An important part of the consultation is providing general information about Ontario family law. 

Sometimes disagreements are based, at least in part, on different understandings of how Ontario family law applies. 

Many couples have received advice from friends, relatives, coworkers, or online forums that simply doesn’t apply to their situation.

Once both parties receive information about how Ontario family law may apply to their circumstances, the discussion can sometimes change. 

We’ll often discuss topics such as:

This isn’t legal advice to either person. The purpose is to provide general legal information that can help both parties better understand the issues they are discussing and the options available to them.

We Discuss the Different Ways to Move Forward

Depending on your circumstances, we may discuss:

  • How mediation works
  • How mediation differs from litigation
  • General considerations involving timelines and costs
  • The role of lawyers and independent legal advice
  • What happens if some issues cannot be resolved in mediation
  • What court involvement may look like if it becomes necessary

One important difference is who makes the final decisions. In mediation, the decisions remain with the people involved. If an issue is decided by a court, the judge makes the decision based on the evidence and applicable law.

Understanding that distinction can help couples decide which process may be appropriate for their circumstances.

Is Mediation Appropriate for Every Family?

No. Mediation may not be appropriate for every family. 

One of my responsibilities is assessing whether mediation appears appropriate before joint mediation begins. 

That’s why separate intake meetings are an essential part of the process.

These private meetings allow me to assess whether both parties can participate:

  • Safely
  • Voluntarily
  • Without intimidation or coercion
  • With an understanding of the need for complete financial disclosure

Situations Where Mediation May Not Be Appropriate

Mediation may not be appropriate, or additional safeguards or legal intervention may be necessary, where there are concerns involving: 

  • Family violence
  • Ongoing coercive control
  • Serious safety concerns
  • Refusal to provide financial disclosure
  • Attempts to intimidate or manipulate the other person
  • Lack of capacity to make informed decisions

If I have concerns about whether mediation is appropriate, I’ll discuss those concerns and the other options that may be available. 

What Questions Can You Ask During the Consultation?

I encourage prospective clients to ask as many questions as they need.

Common questions include:

I encourage couples to ask about anything they don’t understand about the process. 

My goal is to provide enough information for both of you to decide whether you want to take the next step.

How Should You Prepare for Your First Consultation?

You don’t need to prepare extensively for the initial consultation. It can be helpful to have: 

  • A list of questions you want answered
  • A general idea of the issues you need to resolve
  • Basic information about your income, assets and debts, if readily available
  • Information about any existing court proceedings or agreements
  • Any immediate parenting or financial concerns you want to discuss

You don’t have to agree with everything the other person says.

You don’t even have to agree on every issue.

The consultation is an opportunity to listen, ask questions, and consider possibilities you may not have explored before. 

Your First Consultation Is About Information, Not Commitment

You don’t have to decide during the consultation whether mediation is right for you. The purpose of the meeting is to learn how the process works, ask questions, and understand what the next steps would look like if you decide to proceed.

What Happens After the Initial Consultation?

If mediation appears appropriate and both people want to continue, separate intake meetings are generally the next step before joint mediation begins.

Frequently Asked Questions

Do both spouses attend the first divorce mediation consultation?

In many cases, couples attend a joint consultation to learn about the process together. After that, separate intake meetings are typically scheduled with each person before joint mediation sessions begin. These individual meetings help determine whether mediation is appropriate and ensure everyone can participate safely and voluntarily.

Will we make decisions during the first consultation?

Usually not. The consultation is primarily educational. Its purpose is to explain the mediation process, discuss your circumstances, answer questions, and help you understand your options before negotiations begin.

Do I need a lawyer before attending mediation?

No. You do not need to retain a lawyer before attending an initial mediation consultation. If a comprehensive Separation Agreement is later prepared, I recommend that each person obtain independent legal advice before signing. 

What should I bring to my first mediation consultation?

You don’t need extensive paperwork for the initial consultation. It’s helpful to bring a list of your questions and a general understanding of your finances, assets, debts, income, and any parenting concerns. More detailed financial disclosure is usually gathered later in the process.

Can mediation still help if court proceedings have already started?

Yes. Mediation may still be an option after court proceedings have started. Depending on the circumstances, couples may use mediation to discuss some or all of the outstanding issues while the court proceeding is ongoing. Legal advice may be particularly important where a court case has already begun.

Supporting Families Across Ontario

Positive Solutions Divorce Services provides family mediation, divorce mediation, and Separation Agreement services to individuals and couples throughout Ontario, including:

 

Whether you’re considering mediation for the first time or simply want to understand what happens before you make any decisions, Positive Solutions Divorce Services offers online family mediation throughout Ontario. We help separating couples understand their options, navigate important family-law issues, and understand the steps involved in the mediation process. 

Speak with an Ontario Family Mediator

If you’re considering mediation and want to understand what the process would look like for your family, our free, joint 30-minute consultation is an opportunity to learn how mediation works, ask questions, and understand the next steps before deciding whether you want to proceed.

You are not required to make any decisions or commit to mediation during the consultation.

🗓️ Schedule your free, joint, 30-minute consultation today to learn more.

📞 Toll-Free: 888-779-8777
📧 connect@positivesolutions.ca
🌐 www.positivesolutions.ca

“Changing the way couples separate in Ontario”

Author: Bev Lewis

President and founder of Positive Solutions Divorce Services®
(416)-559-5527 | connect@positivesolutions.ca | positivesolutions.ca

Book a free, joint, 30-minute consultation

The information provided in our blogs and throughout our website is intended for general educational purposes, offering insights into separation and divorce processes throughout Ontario. While we make every effort to ensure our content is accurate and current, it should not be considered legal advice. Although we can provide legal information to help you understand the divorce process, we recommend consulting with a qualified family law lawyer to obtain legal advice specific to your situation.