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Divorce is one of those life events that can shift the ground beneath a family’s feet. When adults go through a separation, kids are swept up in changes they never asked for, often without the tools or language to express their feelings. While children of all ages are affected, the conversations you have with them, using Ontario-based parenting tips on how to talk to your kids about divorce, incorporating effective talking techniques, can make a remarkable difference in how they process this transition.
Ontario, with its diverse communities and specific legal landscape, offers some unique elements for families dealing with separation and divorce to consider. Parents navigating this new terrain face a tremendous responsibility, but also an opportunity to lay foundations of resilience and trust for their children. Here’s what parents in Ontario need to know, supported with actionable information.
Telling your children about the separation is one of the most important conversations you’ll have—and it’s not one to rush into unprepared. Kids will naturally have questions. If parents don’t have answers, it can heighten fear, confusion, or anxiety.
Before you sit down with your children, take time with your co-parent to talk through the basics. You don’t need to have everything figured out, but you should agree on key messages and practical details to help your kids feel secure. This creates a united front and reduces the emotional weight for them.
Typical questions children may ask include:
Even if your parenting plan or living arrangements aren’t finalized, discussing what you do know—and what’s being worked out—can make all the difference. Avoid sharing uncertainty in ways that leave them feeling unstable or caught in the middle.
If it’s possible, work with a mediator or use a Parenting Plan worksheet to get aligned before the conversation. The more prepared you are, the more reassurance your children will feel in an already difficult moment. You can also reach out to Mediation Services to help create a shared approach that supports the whole family.
Children don’t need perfection, but they do need honesty, comfort, and emotional support. Bringing up the topic of divorce often evokes worry—how much should you say, when do you begin, and how can you soften the impact?
Aim for a time when you and your co-parent can both be present and calm. Jointly delivering the news helps children sense continuity and shared care. Choose a private space with no rush or imminent obligations. The early moments of this conversation set the tone for how your children remember it.
A few things to avoid:
Above all, reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Keep the message simple, age-appropriate, and unified. This first conversation isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about creating a safe space where your children feel seen, heard, and supported as the separation process begins.
While every family and child are different, most kids have three pressing questions. Why is this happening?
It’s essential to address these openly, tailoring language to your child’s age. Let them know it’s not their fault—reassure them often. Clarity also eases anxiety. For younger children, keep it simple and direct: “Mom and Dad have decided we can’t live together anymore, but we both love you and will always be your parents.”
For teens, expect more probing questions and even anger. They might want specific details or express opinions about the separation itself. Listen without judgment and answer honestly, while keeping adult issues private.
There’s no one-size-fits-all script, but your child’s age plays a key role in how you communicate about separation. Tailor your words to their developmental stage, offering just enough information for them to understand and feel secure.
Toddlers and Preschoolers
At this age, children need clarity, comfort, and consistency. Use short, simple sentences and be ready to repeat explanations often. Focus on reassuring them that their daily routines and the love they receive won’t change.
Examples:
Elementary-Aged Children
Children in this stage may ask practical questions and try to make sense of the changes. It’s important to offer stability, correct misunderstandings, and emphasize what remains consistent.
Examples:
Tweens and Teens
Older children often seek more autonomy and may have complex emotions. While it’s important to keep them informed and invite input, also respect their need for privacy and emotional space.
Examples:
Kids are attuned to parents’ emotional states. When you speak about difficult topics calmly and kindly, you model how to manage big feelings. It’s okay to show sadness but save heated conflicts and legal debates for private conversations.
Try these approaches:
Children take emotional cues from their parents, so how you manage your own reactions can shape how they respond to the separation. By staying grounded and supportive, you create a sense of safety and predictability—even in uncertain times. Remember, your calm presence is one of the most powerful tools your child has, to cope with change.
Laws in Ontario emphasize the child’s best interests. Parenting time (formerly called “custody” and “access”) and decision-making responsibilities often need to be documented. You can learn more about how this works in Ontario by reading How Is Parenting Time Decided After Separation in Ontario? https://positivesolutions.ca/our-services/parenting-plans/
Here are a few key points:
Understanding these basics can help answer your child’s questions with more clarity and confidence. Knowledge of the law can also help parents avoid promising outcomes that may not materialize.
Divorce can stir up sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. Some kids withdraw; others act out. Watch for changes in sleep, appetite, behaviour, or school performance.
Ways to help your child cope:
Recognize when your child may need professional help. If communication has become strained, consider working with a neutral third party. Our Mediation Services https://positivesolutions.ca/our-services/mediation-services/ can help create a child-focused approach that reduces conflict and supports a clear co-parenting relationship.
It’s tempting to vent about the divorce, especially when the separation has been tense. The approach parents take when speaking about each other can ease or worsen a child’s turmoil, making family dynamics an essential factor to consider.
Keep this guideline in mind: Speak respectfully or say nothing at all. Your child is half of each parent—criticism feels personal.
Some helpful tactics:
Children’s need for understanding may not be satisfied with one explanation. As they age, they may revisit the reasons for your divorce, seeking more detailed answers.
Keep your responses age-appropriate, honest, and spare from unnecessary details about the divorce. For example:
While the separation agreement forms the backbone of divorce settlement negotiations, obtaining the legal status of “divorced” requires an additional step through the courts.
Clear communication about what daily life will look like can soothe anxiety. Set expectations early—what stays, what changes, and whom to turn to for questions.
Share specific information about:
Create a shared family calendar if possible. You might also want to revisit or update your existing Separation Agreement to reflect any new parenting arrangements or routines.
Even in the same household, children process divorce at their own pace. If one child seems fine while another struggles, both experiences are valid.
Give space for different reactions. You could try family meetings but follow up with one-on-one conversations. Siblings can be comforted to know their feelings are heard.
Ontario’s multicultural communities may add complexities. Children may worry about what to tell friends, teachers, or relatives, especially when cultural expectations around marriage are strong.
Work with your child on a short, neutral response: “My parents don’t live together anymore, but I’m okay. Thanks for asking.” Help them name trusted adults they can confide in at school or in the community.
Parents, too, may benefit from support groups inclusive of similar cultural backgrounds, available through organizations like Family Service Ontario and cultural community groups.
Ontario offers support systems for separating families, designed to reduce stress for children and guide parents. Here’s a look at some of the resources available:
Resource | What It Offers | Who Can Access It |
Family Law Information Centres (FLIC) | Free info on the family law process | All Ontario residents |
The Office of the Children’s Lawyer | Legal representation for children in disputes | By court appointment |
Family Mediation Services | Conflict resolution, co-parenting strategy | Voluntary, all families |
Kids Help Phone | 24/7 counselling, youth-specific advice | Children and teens |
Rainbows | Guiding Kids Through Life’s Storms | Parents/caregivers |
Ontario Family Law Information Centre’s: https://www.ontario.ca/page/family-law-information-centres
Ontario Office Children’s Lawyer: https://www.ontario.ca/page/office-childrens-lawyer
Positive Solutions Divorce Services: https://www.positivesolutions.ca
Kids Help Phone: https://kidshelpphone.ca/
Having a list like this handy reinforces your ability to support your children and helps when they (or you) need expert outside support.
Divorce can shake things up for children, but it’s also a time when they can learn how to adapt, handle emotions, and work through problems. Parents play a big role in how smooth or rocky that adjustment is.
Let kids ask hard questions and share tough feelings. Keeping up with familiar routines like school, bedtime, and family traditions is important to maintain stability. Those everyday moments help kids feel grounded.
Being open, honest, and getting support when needed—whether it’s local services or reaching out to child professionals—can make a big difference. Each time you talk with your child in a calm, clear way, you help build a stronger, more stable foundation for your family, even as things continue to change.
Contact us to schedule a free, 30-minute joint consultation and learn more about how our Parenting Plans and Mediation Services can support your family’s transition.
President and founder of Positive Solutions Divorce Services®
(416)-559-5527 | connect@positivesolutions.ca | positivesolutions.ca
Learn More about Positive Solutions Divorce Services
Book a Free Joint Online Meeting to see if Mediation is right for you.
Throughout the mediation process, we encourage open communication and creative problem-solving, often uncovering mutually beneficial solutions. Our goal is to help you create a separation agreement that provides clarity and stability during this transitional period, while also being flexible enough to adapt to future changes.
By choosing our mediation services for your separation agreement, you can often achieve a more personalized and comprehensive document than one created through traditional legal channels, potentially saving time, reducing costs, and laying the groundwork for a more amicable post-separation relationship.
*The information included in a Separation Agreement, or other applicable documents, is purely a guide and cannot substitute for a lawyer’s skill, knowledge, and careful drafting. These documents are simply reflective of the information received from you and are an administrative service only.
Positive Solutions Divorce Services® does not warrant and is not liable or responsible for ensuring the validity and/or enforceability of any Agreement or clause in an Agreement and remains your full and sole responsibility. Full financial disclosure is a crucial element in the preparation of any Agreement. It is also critical that you understand your rights and obligations under existing law.
In many circumstances, the Agreement will be addressing complex assets and issues, such as corporations, trusts, pensions, tax implications etc. In these cases, it is imperative that the actual relevant documentation be reviewed and that the expertise of an accountant or specialist in the subject area be consulted to ensure that the Agreement properly addresses these complex assets and issues. It is strongly recommended that you retain Independent Legal Advice before signing any documentation arising out of the end of your marriage or common law relationship.